:(

I am currently in alot of doubt as to whether or not I deserve the Band 8 in my IELTS test. Am reading the book “assigned” to me by my dad – Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes: Law and the Inner Self – and I feel like I’m stepping into a world so different from the one I’ve been in! I’ve spent like, at least 15 minutes and I’m only starting on the 3rd page of the chapter on Common Law. Granted, I’ve been checking the dictionary (so many words I don’t know!) and taking notes to help with crafting my personal statement when I apply to the universities… but still, 15 MINUTES?!

It’s either my brain is rusty from unuse, or… well, I’ve always been this stupid. Okay gotta go back to the book. But before that, I officially declare myself the epitome of low self-confidence. *sniffs sadly*

Contented

Cooked a 3+1-course meal for the family just now and I’m exhausted as hell! I’ve decided that housewifey duties are not for me after all, especially if it involves 4 hours of slogging in the kitchen just to prepare a decent dinner. But whatever it is, the family is happy and contented (and fat, since I… overcooked)!

Although I was bustling around the kitchen feeling like a nutcase with a hot pink bathrobe acting as a makeshift apron cuz I couldn’t find my aprons… Maybe, just maybe, being a chef is my calling in life! Still, I feel pretty cheated by all the dramas I’ve been watching. I certainly don’t look as elegant/classy as the actors/actresses after running to-and-from the indoor and outdoor kitchens!

And while I felt so accomplished after making Italian-styled Garlic Bread with Tomato & Basil, Home-made Cream of Mushroom, Salmon & Tuna Pasta, and Pancake with Strawberries and Ice-cream for dessert, I’ve decided that my future husband/wife can kiss my ass if they want me to cook dinner every night. Once in a blue moon (like, for an anniversary) when my domestic goddess side rears her head is fine, but no way will a (potential) career woman like me succumb to their desire for a homecooked meal by the fireplace (or fan, since we’re living in Singapore). Takeouts, all the way!

Okay, too damned full. Gotta walk around my balcony and do another 100 push-ups to burn the calories I just piled on.

To Carrie, my favourite bimbo :D

Because Carrie and I made a pact to post our Biore pore pack photo on each other’s FB wall and our blogs, here’s a photo of me with the pore pack and shower cap (while dyeing my hair)!

She’s prolly the only crazy person around who’ll do retarded stuff like this with me. Love you Carrie Warrie Bimbo! Don’t know what I’d do without you!

Inside and out

Finally done with researching the various Universities I plan to apply to! Feeling pretty proud of myself cuz today was pretty productive – compiled the document with regards to the 6 Universities (have to cut down on one of them since the UCAS application system only allows you to apply to 5 schools for £19 or something), and I even sewed up the button holes of this top which I just bought! Shows how motivated and domesticated I am and ready to take on life alone in the UK! Okay. Ignore that. Just trying to think positive since my dad has been saying that I’ve been lacking in confidence lately. BAH.

Anyway, I realised that I’ve got to take this National Admissions Test for Law (LNAT) thing as a course specific requirement for some of the Universities! Dammit. How much money do I need to spend on pre-application tests man! They’re really trying to suck their international students dry I swear. :/ Quite worried about the LNAT cuz one has to be relatively well-versed in general knowledge and current affairs, I think. *gulps* Shall start reading the papers from tomorrow onwards so that I’ll be able to learn to “summarise articles down to its core ideas”, “read and understand formal writing” as well as “formulate and organise ideas in a concise manner”.

Need to talk to the dad soon about the Universities I short-listed. Now hopefully he’ll never find out that the one pre-requisite (besides being a college approved under the Ministry of Law) me to apply to a University is… *drumroll* the existence of a Muay Thai club in the college!

Orphan

Caught Orphan with Ah Ma just now after Ikea-ing for abit and it was too early to go home but there was nothing else to do! It was a tad gory, kinda lame, and totally movie-ish. But wimpy little me was still a little freaked out by the blood spurting everywhere. Now this shows that I can never, NEVER be a murderer. Besides being waaayyy too scared that the person I kill will come back to haunt me, I’ll prolly puke at the sight of all the blood and my escape will be delayed cuz I had to clean up which will then lead to me getting caught. Damnit.

Anyway, the movie wasn’t that much a waste of $10 since there were several lessons to be learnt from it after all.

1. Never adopt a kid.
I’m guessing that my fiance-fiancee-husband-wife-whatever will just have to live with either not having a child at all, or not marrying me. Don’t really fancy being murdered by some psychotic kidult (kid+adult). Would rather die fighting in the ring or in my sleep or just something other than having my guts splattered all over the place!

2. Men are IDIOTS who fall prey to the typical helpless female/damsel in distress “charm”.
Don’t see what’s so endearing about it but seriously? It’s the 21st century man! Feminists are in, weaklings are soooo yesteryear!

3. If someone tries to kill you, pretend to be dead after the first strike.
This is prolly the most important lesson of all! If you attempt to elude Death by escaping, you’ll really end up having tea with him. If you’re incapacitated you obviously won’t be able to run from your murderer fast enough right? So I’ve decided it’s best to hold your breath and pretend you’re really dead so your attacker won’t stab/clod/shoot at you even more.

4. Police are useless.
In how many movies have we seen the police arriving only when all the action is over? Lesson here is, your best bet against a would-be attacker isn’t the police, but a pocket-knife or baseball bat or something that causes damage. I mean, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t call the police. Call, by all means! They’ll prolly arrive in time to clear the remains (of yours or the attacker’s).

Awesome!

Yesterday night was wonderfully spent with my favourite people – Ruby, Carrie, and gayboy-but-self-proclaimed-lesbian-identified-man Louis! Wasn’t in that good a mood at first but they set that right soon enough! Love times like these when we just chill and go for a drink or two and talk about all the crap under the sun.

On a little sidenote, I feel happy now! Was feeling pretty miserable looking at my huge and flabby arms (which got worse after the 849723948374 months of not exercising) and my physiotherapist forbade me from doing pushups as of now, but I found a way around that! Pseudo-pushups at my balcony railing! Did 2 sets of 30 normal pushups and 1 set of 30 diamond ones and my arm muscles feel well worked-out! I shall aim to do that at least once a day now! And after the horrifying display of digits on the weighing scale that day which slapped me back to reality, I’ve officially kick-started my one-meal-a-day diet. Tanning tomorrow if I manage to wake up. WOOHOO! (Relatively) toned arms here I come!

Conclusion: I have no decent pics

So I decided to not go for the Starhub call centre job because truth be told, I don’t fancy talking to a phone for 8.5 hours every day, 5 days a week, for the next six months. The dad contributed to further hardening my resolution to pangseh the job and even helped look through the contract I signed to look for loopholes so I wouldn’t be caught in a legal nightmare! He’s damn amusing lor! Cuz he wasn’t very supportive of me taking up the Starhub job he initially suggested having me do damn lousily for the 1.5-month training I’d have to go through so I’d get the sack!

So! I’m back to being jobless and broke… until the contact person for the Subordinate Court Court Officer job I applied for gets back to me, that is.

Anyway, after 28349723984732 hours searching for a reasonably decent-looking picture so I can send in my resume and the various other documents needed to apply as a Court Officer, I have come to a conclusion – AM SEVERELY IN NEED OF TAKING DECENT LOOKING PHOTOS. Camwhorish that I am, I realised that almost all my photos are somehow ruined by my retarded or twittish facial expressions/behaviour, vulgar hand signs, or ah lian-ish hair. After digging through my entire Facebook and laptop, I ended up having to use a photo taken 2-3 years ago during a TFCD shoot!

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Sherwin said that I look so womanly in the photo the interviewers will be in for a rude shock if I were to be shortlisted for an interview. _l_

Whatever it is, after an hour of scanning certificates (DAMN TROUBLESOME) and compiling them into PDF files, I’M FINALLY DONE! Now all I have to do is hope that there’s a vacancy and that I remember to dye my hair black if I’m lucky enough to be called for an interview.

Wish me luck!

Tricky

And so I finally got my ass down to British Council yesterday to try to get more information on the different Universities I plan to apply for and they’re so. damned. useless! They gave me the same answer regardless of whatever question I ask – check the UCAS website. I eventually got annoyed enough to ask her “Erh, so what information do you exactly provide?” and the woman attending to me had the balls to say with great conviction “Oh, we’re just here to provide you with offhand information such as asking you to check the website.”

WTF RIGHT!? I swear I was so stunned by her brainless answer I stared at her without speaking with a ^.- face for two whole seconds! Seriously? She should thank the stars that I was in a sleepy and mellow mood the day before or she’d have gotten her head snapped off with a biting reply from me! Geez. They should just do away with the “Information Counter” altogether and just put up a sign stating “For enquiries on studying in UK, please refer to the UCAS website or head over to our files available at the learning corner.” USELESS.

On a less annoyance-filled and more depression-filled note, I realised I gained 3kgs after the post-op checkup at SGH today! 3. FUCKING. KGS. Which in other words meant that I gained 3kgs IN ONE MONTH! I swear my confidence level is shrinking more and more now. *sniffs* It was already bad enough when I went on the hiatus from training, with this weight gain somehow I foresee my confidence level to hit the pits soon enough! Need to start Muay Thai-ing soon – it’s the one thing that builds confidence in myself! And in the meantime while I continue on my recuperation journey before starting training again, please put up with my low self esteem and fucked-up behaviour. Thank you and love you guys!

Keep him tied, it makes him well

I realised that I haven’t felt happy, truly happy, in a long long time and that’s bad I really wonder what’s going on inside me. I haven’t laughed a proper laugh without the influence of alcohol since last year. Hell, I haven’t even thrown a chair at someone since 5 years ago? Okay, that was kinda overboard but AIYAH YOU GET WHAT I MEAN. Maybe it’s all that control that’s slowly eating at me. But really, I shudder to think of what losing my control will do to the people around me.

People say we all need company in order to survive. But what about those who are destructive in one way or another? Are they better off alone?

Complete

No more wavering. I’m keeping everything under lock and key, and throwing the key away.