Quod me nutrit me destruit

what nourishes me also destroys me.
what gives me release, ruins me.
what i need, is bad for me.

not as big as i’d have liked it to be (or my parents will probably disown me), but i like it nevertheless.
done on impulse – as with all my previous tattoos, but whatever!
never regretted getting inked, and never will… despite what this colleague from the other department insisted during lunch yesterday when she eavesdropped my conversation with another colleague and overheard me saying that i was going for my tattoo today.
“you are going to regret tattooing you know. *points to her neck* confirm will one. when you come out to look for a job then you’ll know.”
as i opened my mouth to protest, she cut in again, repeating the same thing, so i gave up and just let her ramble on.
do you fucking know me? no, you don’t.
i never regret whatever i do, although i’ve done many wrong things in my life – but they’re all part and parcel of learning.
did you think i didn’t think of that before getting inked? =.=
you are entitled to your opinions, and i to mine.
since you don’t know me, i don’t think you have a say in influencing me on getting inked, so shut up with the self-righteous pep talk/advice already.
not appreciated, thankyouverymuch.
i managed to get into Suntec, as lynnette rationalised, so i certainly don’t think anywhere else will be a problem.
plus concealer’s always there for a reason.
*rolls eyes*

okay, gotta sleep – have to wake at an ungodly 6am tomorrow for the all styles competition.
I WANNA FIGHT, I DON’T WANNA REFEREE. :c
i really hope that the next all styles in two years will happen – please please please SMAIA, don’t dao bi first!
wait until i get to fight in all styles then you dao bi (if you wanna) okay!
*crosses fingers*

alright, goodnight.
I LOVE MY TATTOO CAN’T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!

I HATE, LOATHE, DETEST…

birds.
bloody idiotic squawking, feathery creatures which has a super duper fast one-way digestion system.

for the first time in a long while, i decided to ignore the extreme discomfort (and the throbbing bruises after tui na) on my back and trudge home in my 3 inch wedges.
only one minute into my work and i felt something drop onto my right arm, which gave me a huge shock, really. i jerked and swung my arm outward, looked up, looked down… and saw the splatter of greenish brown.
=.=
HATE BIRDS. REALLY.
the last time i had bird shit drop on me was in primary school and walao!
today dress until so glam with my leggings, skirt, sleeveless top and vest and the stupid bird had to shit on me.
i guess the only consolation is that at least i was on my way home to a nice hot shower rather than on my way OUT.
but i was so annoyed okay!
imagine if you were in my shoes and the first time in a long while you decided to be a lil more hardworking and walk home to try and burn a little fats and a freaking bird shits on you!
:c

if i could kill any one animal off the world, it’d be all these disgustingly shitty (yes, literally) birds.
BAH.

on a little side note, hung out with lynnette and hally after work today and we had subway and laughed our ass off!
felt so good – haven’t laughed till my tears squeezed their way out my eyes for a long long while.
arcade-d after that and we played bishi bashi and time crisis 2!
i played until i had a blister on my hand and burst it so it hurts like hell now – feel so incapacitated trying to bathe, wash my face, apply and wash off my mask with only one hand.
URGH.

tattooing tomorrow – I. AM. SO. EXCITED!
the rubster’s going with me and zen may come by too if she’s free.
YAYZERS.

REC

watched REC (like finally) with zen after work yesterday and it was a pretty good show, i have to say.
that is, besides the fact that the lead actress’ voice grated on my nerves with her constant shouting, and some shocking gory parts which saw 1/4 of the cinema screaming and me nearly breaking zen’s hand (i think) squeezing it so hard.
thank god she’s more sturdy than she looks (HAHA).
and older too, apparently.
for the record, REC is an NC-16 show and i nearly died laughing before entering the cinema because OUR ICS HAD TO GET CHECKED (probably thanks to zen though geez).
the GV person looked from me to zen, then from her to me, and back to her again before finally coming to a conclusion – “can i check your ICs?” – and the change of expressions was classic i swear.

talked a little after the movie and it wasn’t much help because it left me as confused as ever.
=.=
i know, though, that the talk only serves as a temporary salve to the abrasions that will constantly surface.
but oh well, i guess i’ll just take things as it comes because, well, isn’t that what life is all about?

desperate, desperate guys

some fucktard added me on msn with the email prettytranny@live.com.sg.
i accepted his friend request because i thought he could be one of the nonsense people i know with a retarded email.
how wrong i was.
turns out he’s just another desperate, horny guy out to look for a quick fuck.

..
10:37
• .. wants your attention!

..
10:37
• hey
10:37
• hello
10:37
• how are you

a.is.for.alexis ; come just a little bit closer
10:37
• heyy
10:37
• who are you?

..
10:37
• accept

a.is.for.alexis ; come just a little bit closer
10:37
• who are you

..
10:37
• i show you
10:37
• accept

a.is.for.alexis ; come just a little bit closer
10:37
• i dont see anything to accept

..
10:38
• got?

a.is.for.alexis ; come just a little bit closer
10:38
• no
10:38
• what is it?
10:38
• why dont you just tell me who you are
10:38
• so secretive for what

..
10:38
• accept?

a.is.for.alexis ; come just a little bit closer
10:38
• NOTHING
10:38
• look, are you gonna tell me who you are, or not?

..
10:39
• aiya
10:39
• you just send me webcam

a.is.for.alexis ; come just a little bit closer
10:39
• no

..
10:39
• i accept

a.is.for.alexis ; come just a little bit closer
10:39
• who the fuck are you

..
10:39
• webcam you can see me only
10:39
• i cant

a.is.for.alexis ; come just a little bit closer
10:39
• i dont give a damn
10:39
• either you tell me who you are by your next reply, or i’m blocking and deleting you

..
10:39
• fuck you slut

a.is.for.alexis ; come just a little bit closer
10:40
• sorry, dont wanna fuck a lowdown asshole like you who doesnt even dare to tell me who you are
10:40
• screw yourself
10:40
• goodbye

fuckers leh, these guys, really.
see the 180 degree turn when they don’t get what they’re looking for.
webcam my foot ah – he’s prolly gonna whip out a rod twig from his pants instead of showing me his face (not that i’d be dumb enough to webcam with him. GEEZ. *rolls eyes*).
go pay for whores or something lah, i’m not interested in your puny, disease-ridden equipment stuck into me.
and the most ironic thing is that his dp was the default horse picture – maybe it was meant to have an underlying meaning.
but based on his extreme A-grade low-self-esteem-asshole behaviour, the horse picture prolly signified his horsey face rather than his stallion-ish down under.
can’t believe i wasted 3 minutes of my youth on him.
URGH. WHAT’S THE WORLD COMING TO!

Illicitus

okay, i woke up this morning with the irrepressible urge of getting another tattoo, but since i’m too broke to get my tiger lily tattoo, i decided to ink something else first. can’t wait so that’s where the next paycheck is going! and thank goodness it’s coming in in a week or so – i need the release from getting inked.

latin phrases in old english font.

“Illicitus” (meaning forbidden) on my lower stomach and i’m thinking “Quod me nutrit me destruit” (what nourishes me also destroys me) on the base of my neck.

it’s been a year and 13 days since the last tattoo – time to get another!
anyone wanna get inked together?

the bestest cure

went “waxing” with the perverted (and we suspect SM fanatic) old man with carrie and rubster just now, and rub ended up being the only one being waxed!
HAHAH poor baby i’m so sorry for backing out.
but i swear that fucker is getting more and more irksome, it’s so bad now that i can’t look him in the eye for fear of beating him up.
and where got people yank off the wax so slowly one – obviously it’ll hurt like fuckingcrazyshit right!
he really ought to practice more on his (almost non-existent) balls before setting up the bistro-cum-waxing-parlour he’s dreaming of.
*rolls eyes*
and he took like, an hour or so to wax rubster. like wtf!?
who ever takes so long just to wax ONE person – so in the end with the rubster squeezing my hand and biting carrie’s magazine throughout her session, i decided not to let him peer at my privates.
HAH. TAKE THAT YOU FCUKING PERVERT. AND WE’RE NOT GOING BACK TO YOU – HELLO WAXING PARLOURS.

anyway after the failed waxing session we headed to bugis where carrie bought her fake eyelashes and i bought boxers for the brother’s birthday!
walao i think it’s like, a new trend or something.
the boxers we saw at bugis street had either no hole, or the hole was so tiny i doubt it can barely fit my brother’s frigging dick.
many of them could barely fit three of my fingers through the hole – i know s’poreans dicks aren’t huge, but i’m pretty sure they aren’t THAT tiny either right?
(okay, rhetorical question – you don’t need to answer that with inches or whatever measurement)
so after visiting like, 3-4 shops carrie dared me to tell the next shopkeeper, “the hole so small, how can fit any dicks!” with a straight face… and i was all up for it!
except the next shop we went to happened to have boxers that are made for reasonably-grown-equipments.

after shopping we went to mos burger to plan our x’mas partaayyyeeee.
omg i am so excited now i swear – can’t wait for x’mas to roll around!
feels so near yet so far. URGH.
but then again, it seems like there’s not enough time (and money) to buy the presents, stress stress stress!

i’m so tired – woke up at frigging 6.45am (earlier than when i have to go to work, mind you!) to go see the doc about my back and the appointment at the hospital is like… in february next year.
=.=
quote ruby, “by then you crippled already!”
couldn’t agree more.
oh well, shall go for my tui na (fuck shit pain pain pain) in the meantime!…….
i guess.

off to date my chickflick book now.
BYEBYE!

before i leave

i’ve never related as much to a song.
those who don’t believe in “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” (or blurb, even), have never met her.

Muse – Plug In Baby

I’ve exposed your lies, baby
The underneath is no big surprise
Now it’s time for changing
And cleansing everything
To forget your love

My plug in baby
Crucifies my enemies
When I’m tired of giving
My plug in baby
In unbroken virgin realities
Is tired of living

Don’t confuse
Baby you’re gonna lose
Your own game
Change me
Replace the envying
To forget your love

My plug in baby
Crucifies my enemies
When I’m tired of giving
My plug in baby
In unbroken virgin realities
I’m tired of living

And I’ve seen your loving
But mine is gone
And I’ve been in trouble

trippin’

i need to train hard hard hard.
hit the punching bag with all my might.
release all the stupid negativity in me.
but i can’t even kick with half my strength anymore, not without my back hurting.
fuck lah. i’m sucha useless thing.
what is alexis without full command of her back, but an empty shell.

the last time i laughed, really really laughed, seems like such a distant memory.
too much seems to have changed, in too short a time.

bye bye

it was good (i wouldn’t say great) when it lasted.
but while you say one thing, i’m seeing another.
it’s getting too tiring, and i guess i’m still more important to me (or at least this is what i’m telling myself).
thanks for a good time, and it’s time for me to start letting go.

Sides.

There are always sides.
There is always a winner, and a loser.
For every person who gets, there’s someone who must give.

- My Sister’s Keeper

i only hope that, this time, it doesn’t have to be me.