somehow, chatting with you never fails to cheer me up.
despite your lack of manners, and constant “fuck off/you”s, you (almost) always bring a smile to my face.
p.s.
for joel’s information:
this post does not, by any chance, refer to joel teo cher chea. although he is quite the asshole-man. 
i know you guys are sick and tired of my angsty, fucked up posts. but i can’t help it!
the title says it all.
the disappointment this time round – it’s sucha sharp, acute feeling, one that chills me to the bones.
first, it was anger. then disbelief – i was appalled that someone whom i thought would be reasonably responsible would turn out like that. and now, it’s just disappointment – pure sad disappointment.
it felt like deja vu – peggy and i sitting there, painting the banner all alone.
except this time, it was worse – i thought that, with the new committee, i would have help.
how wrong i was.
i was angry, oh, i really was. but somehow, it wasn’t red hot anger i felt – i guess, deep down inside, i knew that sucha thing would happen again.
the feeling was kinda unexplainable – sitting in the clubhouse, listening to the footsteps outside, hoping against hope that he who promised would come, would turn up.
yeah, i was there, caught between displeasure and disappointment.
and yet, at the same time… it felt like i was watching the scene with some sort of detached melancholia.
it used to be passion.
but lately, it’s turned into this huge responsibility – a heavy load that plonked itself down on my shoulders and refuses to leave.
an said, “we did it cos we love it, not cos we had to. remember that.”
i’m trying. but it’s tough when what used to be passion brings involuntary tears running down your cheeks when anger, disappointment and sadness hit you again and again.
have you ever felt like you’re standing all alone?
supposedly part of a unit, and yet, you know you’re but one tiny cell.
a cell that, while surrounded by many others, is not supported by any.
now that, is what i call “uncreative”.
it’s amazing how these guys who add you randomly on msn think that question is sucha subtle way of prying if that girl is attached.
really, they should either ask the girl directly, or find a really really TRULY subtle way of asking.
“never go out with your bf?” is so cliche it should be banned.
leaving in 4 days.
and i miss so many people already. 
think overseas IAP is kinda impossible for me.
will just rot and die, and decompose into a smelly lump of lard.
BAH.
the bumps in life – they toughen you up, and harden your body and soul to take the worst beatings life has to offer.
the wrong choices you make – some hit you lightly, and some, they eat away at your soul, little by little.
yeah, tiny missteps. moments of impulse. and i’m paying for it.
it sucks walking around knowing that things are so different now, just because of a little (okay, maybe not that little) mistake two weeks back.
it’s no longer possible.
my menses came today!
it was sucha great, huge relief, i swear.
first, having it now means it won’t clash with the beijing trip!
yipeeeeee *jumps around excitedly*.
secondly, it’s well.. a personal consolation. that the worst didn’t hit me and i’m still a lucky girl afterall. 
got all the cold wear for beijing today.
and bought 3 new pairs of earrings!
what’s left: black pumps.
carrie’s coming for kickbox training with us tomorrow.
she will have so much fun.
*evil grin*
i swear i’m about to burst a blood vessel.
no, wait. make that two, three, or even a dozen of them.
when i say “please send your part to me by sunday, 11pm.”, i fucking mean SUNDAY, 11PM.
it does NOT mean, that that is just a guideline, and you can send me your part at your fucking leisure.
i think i’m pretty reasonable – i don’t mind if you send in your part one or two hours late.
but please at least appear (even if you are not) apologetic for your tardiness.
however, being late for 2 days, and counting, is definitely not to be!
of course, sending in work that’s ONE day late, and substandard (fuck, even that is a gross understatement) to say the least, is equivalent to you hanging yourself. [you can take a look at the piece of work i received, at the end of this post. it was supposed to be for a fucking martial arts trivia.]
deadlines are called deadlines for a fucking reason.
because, honey, you’ll be fucking DEAD when the person (in this case, me) gets fucking pissed!
i fucking need to prepare for my beijing trip which is a week away, and there’s still so much to be done.
it’s not like i’m not being understanding – chance after chance has been given – twice, i’ve said “okay, no problem. just have it in my inbox by tonight/tomorrow night.”
and time and again, you fucking take my niceness for granted.
time for a little lesson, which, of course, i’m so very surprised that you still haven’t learnt in your miserable 19 years of life.
you can never, ever EVER (when i say “never, ever EVER” it really really means “never, ever EVER”) be late, only early in meeting deadlines.
really, the sense of responsibility, or lack thereof, some people have is seriously appalling.
grow up already!
*note to self – things to be done before leaving on a jet plane on april 1st:
NPKFC
1. equipment logistics list
2. management committee list
3. cca fiesta! (to get flyers/posters designed, and banner/noticeboards done up)
4. cca annual report AY 2007
5. AY 2008/2009 activities
6. budget proposal
BEIJING
1. research, research and more research on chinese opera!
2. buy thermal wear
3. change money
4. pack!
as promised.
appalling, isn’t it?
i’m surprised he could deem it his “best” effort.
which part of “trivia” does he not understand?!
*snorts and spits*
you are part of a group, a unit.
you know that, in order to succeed, you have to function together.
and yet, whilst we may all don the “member of npkfc” title, you know that they are all in here with agendas of their own.
no, it’s not the commitment that spurs them on to stay.
despite hoping against hope, you know that passion plays only a small part.
and that passion, it is so self-centred it scares you.
words, they are so easy to say, aren’t they?
“the club seems to be struggling to survive.”
yes, don’t we know that already? but what are you going to do to contribute to the survival of our already weak club?
it used to be oh-so-strong. that is, before our batch came in.
the members, they could see the larger picture – that without the club, there would be no us.
and you wonder how such a thought could slip by their narrow minds.
although there was such a problem in my secondary school cca, it wasn’t that serious.
because deep down inside, i just knew. i knew that we would wake up, and that our unity would pull us through.
i wasn’t wrong.
now, however, is a different matter entirely.
we may train together, and yet, instead of existing together as one single entity, we are but several individuals chasing different goals.
despite how much i hate to admit it, i’m scared.
terrified to the bones that, although i may try my damnedest, it just won’t be enough.
SERIOUSLY. sometimes the denseness of guys makes me wanna pull all their hair out, smack them a few times, and perhaps break their noses to get things into their head.
this random guy added me on msn and started asking me if i’d hooked up with guys while clubbing.
i said “no”, and proceeded to ask him if he’d hooked up with any girls.
and he went “i can’t remember.”
got kinda pissed off at his answer, because… LIKE WTF. SURELY CANNOT REMEMBER ONE LAH RIGHT!
yes then yes lah. why would he wanna lie and go “i can’t remember”.
and so i told him just that!
click on the thumbnail below to read the conversation.
anyway went out for lunch with menghow and christine today.
as usual, going out with them will see me stuffing myself with food.
same thing happened today.
and oh! i watched step up 2 for the second time with menghow and i still can’t get over how hot the lead actress is!
this is a really random post because i’m bored, and am looking for a job.
ROAR!
this is the second time – second time in my short, miserable life that i’ve chosen cca over school!
please please please let it be worth it.
swopping a sure A or AD from presentation skills in chinese for a C on acting workshop is not what the normal, sane person will do.
but then again, when did i ever say i was sane?
still, have no idea if i’m stupid or just downright crazy!
anyway, watched leap years with jin today!
it wasn’t THAT bad, but nothing fantastic, really.
it had this turn-offish singaporean feel to it – like how the characters react and all that – totally singapore soap opera can!
i think it’s about time the directors start to think about a change.
You are currently browsing the Secret Rooms blog archives for March, 2008.
I finally overcame trying to fit the world inside a picture frame.
