1 MORE PAPER WOOHOOO!

Finally done with the Crim exam! Okay can’t really say “finally” as though I studied mad hard for it, since I only started studying 4 days ago. But whatever it is, I’m glad luck has been on my side lately! Even though I worry like crrraaaazzzzyyyy a day before exams (Chinese oral and Crim alike), I end up being able to remember most of what I studied and memorised. 

I’m so glad that the Crim exam’s finally over – it’s like a huge load off my shoulders! Chinese exam tomorrow but I’m not too worried about it (except for the essay component where I’ll have to write something on, judging on what the topics for all the stuff we’ve learnt in class and work we’ve had to do, China). Now all I have to do is cross my fingers and hope that I can still get a 2-1 (or at the very very least a 2-2) despite not being able to finish my paper (again). Have. to. learn. how. to. think. and. write. faster. 

Okay off to read some “Why Men Love Bitches” before Skyping the family (YAY!) then starting on some revision. Life is getting (somewhat) better!

OMGOMGOMG.

Having a major nervous breakdown right now. Chinese oral exam tomorrow, and I only just found out today that we are not allowed to bring our scripts in to help us when speaking. In the exam information, they merely stated that “Powerpoint slides with pictures, graphs, and bullet points in English is accepted. Notes in Chinese are not allowed.” Any reasonable person (who didn’t know they’re not supposed to bring their script in beforehand) would think that it just means the powerpoint slides should not have Chinese words on it, right!? Fuck lah. Stupid China people. Not like their English very good – couldn’t they have just given us the examination pack in Chinese instead of chen qiang-ing and writing it in English!? Bringing notes in English into a Chinese oral exam is ridiculous beyond belief! I swear I died a little inside when one of my classmates told me that her friend took this module last year and wasn’t allowed to bring her script in. Now I have one night left to memorise 3 6.5-minute speeches and hope I remember everything tomorrow. Either that or find some way to cheat my way through this. Should have fucking gone with Level 3 Chinese rather than decide that I want a challenge and went with the highest-fucking-level 5.

Feels like someone is suffocating me. Panicked so much I even went to look at the acceptable extenuating circumstances and debated whether I could try to get a letter for depression. Not that I think I’m too far off considering how horrible my mood has been recently, and how I always cry/feel like crying for no reason whatsoever.

Today you became a yesterday, when once you were a tomorrow.

- iwrotethisforyou

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Patriotism ftw.

Okay I’m sure you’ve all watched the Aaron Tan video – some 18-year-old ah beng ranting (for 10 mins, no less! I’m seriously impressed with how he can just rant at a camera for 10mins straight) about a 14-year-old boy who “chee hong”ed his girlfriend. If you haven’t, check out the video below.

And apparently this video has been seen even in the US of A! Some American douchebag posted a coupla videos in reply, talking about his feelings on “Chinese in Singapore”. Videos can be found below. It seems like he talks faster than his brain is able to operate though, since as you can see, in the first video, he repeats “Chinese in Singapore” (or something to that effect, can’t be bothered to remember what exactly he said) for like, 2394082305982 times? =.= Of course, other trouble-making Americans (?) just HAD to join in. Some other joker (MrVatoloco99)had to comment about “singlepoor being a shit land” and yada yada. Couldn’t take it and I joined in the war (“@MrVatoloco99 I’m amazed at how ignorant you are. The reason you can’t find Singapore on the map is because you can’t even spell it properly. Oh, and just to keep you updated with the current news – Singapore may be a small country but it’s been growing steadily, unlike America’s slow (but also steady) decline into a deep abyss of debt.”). Yes, loser I know, but we have to stand up for our country!

Last 2 weeks

Last two weeks of term, and I am so.fucking.stressed. I prolly wouldn’t be as stressed if I hadn’t burnt out completely from the 8-10hours a day of studying the past 1.5months, and decided not to touch my books at all the past coupla weeks. And now I have a Chinese phonetic test (the least of my worries, considering the fact that my spoken mandarin is not too shoddy, if I do say so myself), 1 Land Law essay (which I know absolutely nothing about cuz I was too lazy to go for the tutorial on Trusts of Land – the bulk of what the essay is about), 3 6-min speeches in Chinese to write (prolly something about China, which means fml even more), and a Chinese exam to prepare for – all due by 12 December.

I know I can prolly manage to meet all these deadlines with quality work if I put my mind to it, but it just feels kinda sian cuz now that I’m in this all alone. At least in Poly, I had close friends with the same deadlines as I and could stress about it together. And now, well, I have people stressing about the Land essay to me when I have 2093840925802498 times more worries than them. And nobody to actually listen to me rant cuz no one here will understand and I haven’t spoken to anyone in SG for a gazillion years thanks to the time difference and, well, our hectic lifestyles. Maybe.

It doesn’t help that these worries about deadlines are keeping me awake at night despite me being fucking tired. I’ve resorted to getting sleeping pills from the pharmacy and have been popping them several nights in a row. Which, although helpful cuz they get me to fall asleep fast, don’t really aid my brain function in the day cuz I don’t sleep enough.

The only thing keeping me going now is the anticipation of Paris with E at the end of the month to meet Lina and Christine.

P.S.
Did I mention how absolutely pissed off I am with Brits? Anyone who knows me will know that I’m not incompetent, and that I hate it when it seems like I am. Well, thanks to these fucking Brits and their laziness and lack of honesty, I’ve been fretting about the making of our Muay Thai vest for the past two weeks. The first manufacturer I decided to print the vests with told me he could do what I wanted and ended up telling me 2 working days before the deadline (after he screwed up the visual, twice (don’t understand why the fuck they couldn’t just use the artwork I provided and just copy and paste it into the template – is it so hard to follow instructions dammit!?)) that he was unable to do the print I wanted. So, no surprise there – I missed the fucking deadline. And felt so bad about myself although, in all honesty, it really wasn’t my fault. But people who don’t know what happened (which is basically everyone in the club dammit) will think I’m a loser who can’t get stuff done right. And yes, I HATE THAT. So fuck you, Brits. Your economy is already in the doldrums and if you carry on with your shitass work attitude, it may very well stay that way. Which would serve you right, actually. I really hope it DOES stay this way, or get worse (preferably the latter), so I can read about it in the news back in SG and gloat about it.

Exhausted

I am absolutely exhausted from the immense lack of sleep lately. I know I said that I’ve never worked so hard in my entire life last year, but that’s because I had yet to experience second year. It’s killing me so bad. I have a feeling that by the time I graduate (i.e. in another 1.5 years), I’d look waaayyy older than I really am.

The amount of work that has to be put in to prepare for each tutorial is crazy. I barely have time to celebrate after being done with one before I have to start on another. A good 6 – 8 hours can be spent with my books before I know it! Seriously, if I don’t get at least a second upper this year I’m either i) really really really incredibly dumb; or ii) still using the wrong studying methods.

I only just realised today that my birthday’s in three days’ time! Can’t believe it’s November already and only about 1 month till the end of Semester 1! Can’t decide if it’s a good or bad thing that time seems to be just flying by. There’s prolly gonna be a Muay Thai social this Wednesday that I’ve decided to go to and get shit wasted (on booming music, not alcohol, since I don’t drink anymore) seeing that I’m done with tutorials for this week and need some stress release anyway.

“This time, the time machine took me back to the right place.

This time, I ran outside and and nearly grabbed myself before I walked out that door to kiss you for the first time.

But this time, another me stopped me, before I could stop me, and said, “The only thing worse than missing someone, is wondering what there was to miss.”

This time, I sat down with me, and we drank and we spoke about how different things could’ve been. For me. And for me.

Later, I still kissed you for the first time. This time.”

- iwrotethisforyou.me

That face of an angel

Waking up full of awesome

“There was a time when you were five years old,

and you woke up full of awesome.

You knew you were awesome.

You loved yourself.

You thought you were beautiful,

even with missing teeth and messy hair and mismatched socks inside your grubby sneakers.

You loved your body, and the things it could do.

You thought you were strong.

You knew you were smart.

Do you still have it?

The awesome.

Did someone take it from you?

Did you let them?

Did you hand it over, because someone told you weren’t beautiful enough, thin enough, smart enough, good enough?

Why the hell would you listen to them?

Did you consider they might be full of shit?

Wouldn’t that be nuts, to tell my little girl below that in another five or ten years she might hate herself because she doesn’t look like a starving and Photoshopped fashion model?

Or even more bizarre, that she should be sexy over smart, beautiful over bold?

Are you freaking kidding me?

Look at her. She is full of awesome.

You were, once. Maybe you still are. Maybe you are in the process of getting it back.

All I know is that if you aren’t waking up feeling like this about yourself, you are really missing out.”

- www.pigtailpals.com